The Gangs All Here

Interesting/Creepy/Unusual/Freaky/and all together Strange things that have occurred while living in Gehner (my very own dorm that I get to live in all by myself):

*A few days after I moved in, I explored the whole place from top to bottom in order to make it seem less creepifying. I keep lights on the other hallway on my floor off, because there's really no point in wasting energy for neighbors I don't have, and also to prove to myself that no, I'm not afraid of the dark. Anyway, when I was exploring during the day, the hall across from my room was empty of everything as you might expect. The next day I was coming out of the bathroom and exited out into the dark and empty hallway. Which was not so empty anymore. In front of one of the rooms a few feet away from me sat a yearbook. It hadn't been there the day before, I know because I walked past that room the day before. The Yearbook was one from MY senior year. No idea how it got there, no idea how it was gone the next day. I know it was there and not just imagining it because I took it back to my room when I found it and looked through the whole thing. Weird Thing To Happen # ONE. (I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation. I just haven't come up with it yet)

*This one's more in my head, but still relevant. So in Scream 1, Sidney Prescott goes into the bathroom and thinks she's alone. The audience sees the killer step down from one of the stalls and then attack her. Creepy moment, everyone. Creepy moment. So again, in the bathroom, and even though I had turned the light on myself when first coming in, and even though I had glanced at the other stalls and saw that they were all empty, I still felt in every fibre of my being that if I looked down I would see another person's feet in one of the stalls. I high tailed it out of there, and as I was leaving I looked over my shoulder to make sure the killer wasn't behind me and--
promptly ran into a maintenance man in the hallway. I almost screamed in his face. Good thing it was the middle of the day, is all I'm saying.

*The other week around midnight or one a.m. I swear I heard voices in the hallway, and then footsteps. Went to investigate, (racquetball racket firmly in hand) there was no one there. Went back into Pink room and turned my music up louder.

*Two nights ago when I went to bed all of the doors on my hallway were closed. When I woke up yesterday morning, one of the doors at the far end of the hall was open. That's not creepy, right?

So that's my list of creepifying events and incidents that have occurred so far during my stay in Gehner. But hey! I'm still alive, and nothing has come after me yet, so i'm all good! (But just in case, if you haven't heard from me in a few days, maybe try calling or coming over?)

So it's been awhile, but I promise I'm still alive. For now, anyway. Yeah, let me explain that one.

I have the same TA job I did last year, but my living situation has changed. Last year I lived in the basement of one of the dorms with one of my best friends. It was a little isolated, but Suite Besty and I liked the quiet and the minimal interactions with the students whose papers we graded.

My new place has both of those things: quiet and little to no interaction between students. Why, you might ask?

Because I live in a dorm by myself. As in alone. As in it's me and two floors worth of empty rooms and silent as the grave halls.
Woohoo!

It's actually not that bad now that i've had a few weeks to get used to it. Fortunately, I have a slight obsession with the color pink, and my room is SO PINK that no one in their right mind could feel depressed about being alone in it. :D It's really only when I step out into the motel-like hallway that I feel kind of like the odd-woman out, or like I've somehow survived the apocalypse and am the only girl in the world.

(And if you know me, or have read my blog about my not so irrational fear about zombies, then you should not find it at all surprising that yes, I have come up with a zombie escape/hole up in this safely locked building for the rest of time plan. Don't worry, if you're not a zombie and you manage to survive the first round zombie attacks, you're all welcome to come live with me here. There's plenty of open beds.)

There are some lovely bright sides to living here alone. For one, I can play music and sing as loudly as I want at any hour of the day that I want without fear of waking or disturbing the neighbors. Also, the showers are never taken and the laundry room is always empty. Hooray!

'Want You To Make Me Feel Like I'm The Only Girl In The World' is kiiiiind of an understatement when it comes to my life right now.

Fam and Friends Get You Through It

It's been awhile, but I promise I'm still here! At the end of July I headed down for three more weeks of camp; which was fun, challenging, eye-opening, character-building, and all kinds of adventure-having. I'll be doing another, longer post on the experience soon, because right now I have to go pack for camp again! (yes, I'm quote aware of the fact that it's 12:11 a.m. my time right now) (and that I leave in the morning). But that's my packing methods in a nutshell, people. :)

I'm off to camp again for our 50th reunion celebration. woooooooohoooooooooo! And I mean that quite enthusiastically. A weekend filled with friends, old counselors, and family=many many fun times had.

My two favorite things to do in the world are spending time with my family and spending time with my friends. So in honor of that, I ask all of you to have the best weekends possible, and if you can, spend some quality time with your good friends or families. It feeds the soul, peeps.


'If I could write out my own dream, for the next time that I sleep,
You'd be the first one that I see, and I the last one that you keep.
And the dream would go on and on while we sway,
against all things thrown our way.
And the morning would be so cruel, when it came.
With sunshine and warmth to blame
For announcing the end of my sweet dream.
For announcing the end of my sweet dream'-Greg Laswell

Up Where They Walk, Up Where They Run, Up Where They Play All Day With Their Wands!

There's nothing quite like hundreds of people coming together, dressed up in costume or not, to enjoy the last Harry Potter movie ever to grace a theater near you. :D And surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, this also describes the first part of my evening, in which my mom and I went to see The Little Mermaid at the Muny here in St. Louis. There were probably a thousand people there, and within that hundreds of little girls dressed up just like Ariel.

Strangely enough, the Little Mermaid and Harry Potter have a few things in common:

1) Many people, young and old, dress up to go to these events. As mentioned above, there were LOTS of little girls dressed up as Ariel. While the midnight showing of HP 7.2 may not have had as many dressed up little girls, there were MANY dressed up young adults of all ages, shapes, and sizes.

2) Whether it be at the Little Mermaid, Harry Potter World, or the HP midnight showing, I can happily say I have never seen so many red heads in one place in all my life. What can I say, we seem to just flock to the places where we will be embraced the most. Example?
Little Girl: (widens her eyes and points at me) Look mommy! A grown UP Ariel!

Can you feel the red head love tonight?
Whoops, wrong Disney movie.

2.5) Not only did my red hair get me mistaken for Ariel, but at HP midnight showing I was confused for Ginny Weasley too! Now this was more drunk frat boys at 3 in the morning instead of cute little girls at 8p.m., but hey, you gotta roll with the punches.

So see? There's really not that much that divides the Little Mermaid from Harry Potter. Peeps in costume? Check. Red Heads, fake or REAL? Check. So I encourage you, go see one or both of these lovely pieces of theater. Dress up. Dye your hair red. Go crazy!

'Wish I Could Be Part Of Your World'

Cushing, Oklahoma. Ages 2-8

Squeaking swingsets and the smell of wet, cool sand
The dark wood of a play house,
tiny hands and too short legs
that force me to crawl up to the top level
A massive house, dark back rooms for hide and seek,
secret passageways, running at top speed
Grape ice cream and watching the land before time over and over and over
Racing to the pond for another adventure so exciting it steals your breath
Running through the shade and never ever being afraid of the dark

John, John, Is That You Carrying On?

The 4th of July is celebrated in many, many different ways for Americans, be it Barbeque's and/or fireworks or sprinklers and sparklers. It's all hot fun in the Summer.

Usually my Mom and I go to Boston to visit my sister and revel in the history of our Nation and then watch a huge firework show. which means we head out to the river with the rest of the city and camp out for two hours trying not to melt before enjoying a huge firework display. The first time we did this I brought a book of about 800 pages and got about half way through while we were waiting. It was great fun and remains one of my favorite memories. Another great part of this Boston firework fiesta is that after everything is over, the entire city, and I do mean the ENTIRE CITY, gets up off the ground, gathers up their various blankets and children and begin the long walk home. All of the streets are shut down for the night, so everyone is just walking to and fro across the empty highways and usually busy streets around 11 or midnight. It's great fun, but each time I do it I fee like i'm living through an apocalypse.

If we don't go to Boston, my Mom and I have another tradition of staying home and watching my favorite musical, 1776. As the title hopefully suggests, this musical is about the creation of the declaration of Independence and the men who helped shape it. To some people this would seem like torture, but I implore you to give this musical a chance! For one thing, it has William Daniels playing John Adams, the man who played Mr. Feeny in Boy Meets World. A seriously amazing actor with one of the best voices and comedic timing like you wouldn't believe. This musical is packed full of hilarity and comedy, I love it so, so much. Who knew politics could be so funny? Oh yeah, that's right, there were SEVEN seasons of the West Wing because people couldn't get enough out of it. Hee

However you are spending your Fourth of July, with sparklers or fireworks or walks down empty and deserted highways, I hope it was/is fun and full of laughter. I have John Adams and Ben Franklin to keep me giddy over here. :D

Adams: I cannot write it, I'm obnoxious and disliked, you know that sir.
Franklin: Yes I do.

Let's Get This Party Started

I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home...

I've been at camp for three weeks, and its been a whirlwind adventure, but now it's time to come back home. I've had ups and downs, and I feel like I've grown somewhat and learned some things. There have been laughs and no tears, new friends and very, very lovely old ones. I'm grateful for everything I have and have done, and the love i've felt when I needed it most.

Now it's time for four weeks of freedom. Learning to drive, researching agents, visiting fam in Oklahoma, and NOT getting up at 6:30 am every day. Praise God.

Love to all my friends and family at camp, see you again in four weeks!

Running Up That Hill

I'm at Pre-camp right now and it's really uncomfortable. Some of my friends are here but none of my best friends. Super awkward and uncomfortable feelings have taken place for me and someone else. I'm not on-guard, but I feel very self conscious.

But maybe this isn't a bad thing. I don't really like it, but at the same time, I'm growing and learning about myself and I have to challenge myself to be better and think better of myself and others. It's hard, it hurts, but (and trying not to sound cliche here) this is life. Just have to keep thinking that I'll be stronger from this. That any ground I lose is worth it for all the ground I am and will be gaining.

I can find happiness and peace everywhere I go, not just in places and people that I feel the safest and most comfortable with. I'm running up that hill and the end is going to be worth it.

I've been photo girl lately, and I've been meaning to stop, but this particular one really captures the mood of my entire night. I've been packing for the better part of two hours and when I stopped to rest for a moment I noticed that I had this hat on my head. Who knows when I put it on, who knows if it's been there all along. But it's pink, it's from Disney World, and it makes me think of cotton candy and hand holding and a love that's so deep your soul is bursting through like sunshine after rain.

Today was a stress ball day, but tonight was the feelings this hat brings and more.

Lovely Friends

Cookie Dough made and given with love

Games that are stressful but destressing at the same time because it means you're high-fiving and laughing and whispering

Night Walks are for the unafraid. The afraid are allowed to go, as long as you have a best friend with you to hold your hand and laugh with until your abs hurt

Packing and listening to the playlist made because of a broken(not broken, only sprained) heart and deleting the pathetic songs and keeping the strong woman songs because you realize that you're better and wiser and thicker skinned than the girl who made it so many months ago

My best friend is leaving, but the adventures we've had and will have in the future and will always have together are bright and shiny and endless

Light Up, Light Up. As If You Have A Choice. Even If You Cannot Hear My Voice, I'll Be Right Beside You, Dear.

I've spoken about the dreaded 10th Week before, but here's another update, just for fun. Eighteen Papers Graded. One Final Proctored. Some Packing Progress. Many, MANY hours to go. However, in an effort to unwind and destress, I have come up with the amazing brilliant notion to combine Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Cherry Garcia onto one spoon and pop it in my mouth. A Sound notion? I THINK SO.




'All My Life, I've Been Good. But Now, Oh, I'm Thinking What The Hell' Sing it, Avril

Play All My Records, Keep Dancing All Night

My cousin and I went to see Jersey Boys on Friday, and as we were going into the theater he commented about the fact that we would probably be some of the only young people there. He said this because both of our parents raised us on Oldies music. The Beach Boys, Lesley Gore, Franki Vali and the Four Seasons, etc., etc.

My first Cassette tape and then CD were Lesley Gore's greatest hits. When I was eight my Dad taught me all of the lyrics to 'It's My Party' and then called up a radio station and requested 'Judy's Turn To Cry' so I could hear the epic conclusion of Lesley's broken heart.

'Big Girls Don't Cry' is the song my Mother would sing as she brushed the tangles out of my hair.

No matter where or when I am, every time I hear 'Kokomo' a warm feeling rises up in my stomach and I'm ten years old again dancing around my living room.

Every Sunday from when I was eight to eleven my Dad and I would drive to 7/11 to get slurpies before church. He'd have all the windows in the car down and blasting Oldies music and singing at the top of his lungs. I was mortified most of the time, but it's my favorite memory of all time. 'Don't Worry Baby' is the feel of the wind racing through my fingers and the taste of Pina Colada Slurpie.

My childhood belonged to the Oldies, and a world where I was worry free.




'We'll Get There Fast and Then We'll Take It Slow. That's Where We Wanna Go, Way Down To Kokomo'

You Know You Love Me

I have a love/whine relationship with the camp I work at. Part of my family owns it, so I've literally been going my entire life. My ENTIRE LIFE. I was born in December, so when June rolled around, and I was six months old, this girl went to camp.

I obviously didn't do archery or paddle a canoe on my first day, or even my first few years, but my presence has been known every summer since I came into existence, 23 years ago. As soon as I was old enough to be a counselor, at 16, I was one. So yeah, camper to counselor. In other words, I've never known anything else. Summer means Camp, with perhaps a 2-4 week interlude at home.

You'd think this would mean that I love waking up with the sun and camping and that bugs are my best friends, right?

Yeeeaaaahhhh, not so much. If my girls are screaming about the giant spider, I will for sure go get the broom and beat the thing until it stops looking at me funny, and I will lie on my back and admire those stars until my eyelids snap closed because they can't take it anymore, and I LOVE hearing the stillness of the early morning (Lie, false, untrue. There's just no way I can sell getting up early to myself. I have to, I do it.)

Obviously I wouldn't have gone my entire life if it weren't wonderful and a great, amazing experience; lots of things keep me coming back for more. What, you ask?

-Roll yours eyes until they fall out of your head, but I secretly and not so secretly love the fact that I can make a basket with my eyes closed and finish within five-ten minutes flat.
-Archery is super cool. How many of you can boast the fact that you've killed a poisonous snake with a bow and arrow?
-The food ROCKS.
-Father's day always occurs when I'm at camp, so I never, ever have to think about it and hear about it and obsess over the fact that this day is and can no longer be special to me.
-Sometimes there is extreme heat. And you would think this would be a negative, and it kind of is, but on the plus side, I can now probably live ANYWHERE there is heat and be unfazed. Because I have survived 110 degree weather, and now I can do ANYTHING.
-Surprisingly, or really, not so surprisingly, I've had awesome experiences with boyfriends while at camp. Who knew?
-My family runs the camp. So basically, my family is always there.
-My best friend LL and my favorite cousin SS go to camp to, so even though we can't see each other during the year we live out our glory days together at Camp
-No matter what happens, good or bad, I always learn and grow

So yeah, not a bad place to spend some time. I whine a lot about it, but deep down, I know it's one of the places that my heart calls home.


Me, LL, and SS at camp.

"I've got a pocket, got a POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE!"

Be Grateful or Go Home

It's been quite the interesting year, and as I transition from one work environment to another, I've been looking back at everything and finding all the shining moments.

In the Fall there was...a kind of adventure that i've never experienced before, but no matter how it turned out, I'm still glad I jumped into it. The landing was a lot more rough that i'd pictured, but the part where I was free-falling was all kinds of sweet.

Throughout this entire year I've gained a friendship that words cannot express how much I adore. Suite Besty has been there for me and with me, and the laughter we've shared has definitely filled my heart with joy and pink cupcakes.

My goal for my book was to be finished with the entire thing by Christmas, and I almost, ALMOST accomplished that by finishing on New Year's. I'm editing it now, and this summer I'll start the huge process of finding an agent, or at least researching for an agent, and then the step after that is publishing! Ahhhh, Yaaay!

Good friends that I graduated with have come to visit and stay with me, and those were all so wonderful, I'm so glad we got to reconnect and be together.

A lot of things will change once this school/work year ends in a week, but all I have to do is think back on this year and feel the love, and I know Everything's going to be alright. <3



"You put your arms around me, and I'm home."

Not so Irrational!?!?

Everyone has something that they are afraid of that is irrational. Whether it be the dark, spiders, clowns, or even Marionettes, on some level you know that it can't hurt you, (or won't), but you're still deathly afraid. I'm not quite sure when it happened, but suddenly my irrational fear has become Zombies. No Idea how or why.

Actually, that's a lie, I'm afraid of them because they're ugly and slow but creepily fast and they come in swarms and they won't stop and I don't own a gun and I don't want to have to kill my friends if they get bitten and I might get trapped and BECOME one and--

Yeah, I have an irrational fear of Zombies.

It's gotten to the point where I think of escape or survival plans for each place I live in. I haven't gone so far as to buy the actual Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide book, but plans are there and have been made. Detailed plans. I think that stems from my nightmares about being trapped in airports and for some reason, space, with no escape, but hey, that's irrational fear for you.

So imagine my utter surprise when I clicked on the Twitter yesterday and saw ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE as a trending phrase. My eyes went O_O and I hesitantly clicked on it to see what peeps were saying, thinking perhaps there was a new movie that I hadn't heard about, or some new TV show out, (even though the Walking Dead has that covered very nicely). But NO, apparently people have decided that this Saturday, May 21, 2011, is going to be the apocalypse. And there will be ZOMBIES. Why, world? WHY?

Now, as with all irrational fears, the scientific and slightly less panicked part of my brain has reassured me multiple times that this will in fact not happen. As has my sister, who then proceeded to inform me about just in case scenarios. Like: What if if happens, and you're not at school where all of your survival and escape plans have been formed? After which I calmly informed her that I'd already thought of that and have altered my survival and escape plans to fit any location I am in accordingly.

So yeah, the Zombie Apocalypse probably won't happen this Saturday, or anytime in the near or distant future. But just in case, Me and my Irrational fears are going to be prepared.

"It makes me that much STRONGER, makes me work a little bit HARDER, makes me that much WISER, so thanks for making me a FIGHTER"

Not sure if Christina Aguilera was talking about Zombies in this song, but hey, you take what you can get.

Today while I was on Twitter I noticed that 'Skynet' is trending. And then I realized what the date is. April 19, 2011. Judgement Day. Sarah and John Connor's worst nightmare. If you believe in that kind of stuff, of course. But it does put things into perspective, though. You think your life is terrible, you're bored with your job, you don't have a boyfriend, your best friend is moving away, blah blah.

At least killer machines from the future aren't hunting you down and killing us all! :D

So thank you, Sarah Connor, for making me look on the bright side of life today.


"You must be stronger than you imagine you can be."

Old memories DIE hard

On Thursday Suite Besty, Cool Sis, and I all went to see the midnight showing of Scream 4. To all of our joy and delight, several months ago we had discovered that we all loved the Scream trilogy. Naturally, I suggested that we should watch it right then and there, but Suite Besty wanted to wait until April, the weekend right before the fourth one hit theaters, to be precise. I was sad we had to wait so long, but it was worth it! So last weekend we all sat down and watched all three Screams and relived the love, the glory, and the sheer terror that is one of my/our favorite trilogies ever.

So at Midnight on Friday April 15th, Suite Besty, Cool Sis, and I all sat down in the darkened theater, eagerly anticipating the next installment in this brilliantly scream-worthy franchise. Wes Craven did not disappoint. I screamed, covered my eyes, and gasped with the rest of the audience once the killer(s)???? were revealed. It may be the fact that this is the first one that i've seen in theaters, or that i'd seen the others so many times that I knew and could tell who the killers were in each of the Screams by now, but in my opinion, Scream 4 is the best one. Suite Besty will argue that Scream 2 is the best, and she's right, it's fantastic, and my second favorite. But Scream 4 was SCARY and SHOCKING and kept me at the edge of my seat THE ENTIRE TIME. In short, it was AWESOME, and I LOVED IT.

Afterward as we were discussing it and then all falling asleep at 2/3 in the morning, I was still full of adrenalin, but nevertheless, my sleep was nightmare free. However, last night was a different story. Before I talk about it, I need to take us back to my senior year of high school, when my best friend, Lovely L, and I had our own horror movie moment.

It was our senior retreat and our school had dragged us to a place that LL and I fondly call Camp Wanna-Die. It was cold, we had to get up early every day to sit for four hours at a time listening to mind-numbingly boring lectures, and the water was so sulfur infused that we couldn't force ourselves to shower in it. So our entire senior class was dirty, uncomfortable, and irritated.

Our teachers must have noticed that these conditions would eventually lead to revolt or mass murder, so one night they let us stay up late and have a bonfire. After LL and I had eaten enough s'mores to make the suicidal/serial killer thoughts fade, we started the long trek back to our cabin. It was very dark, very cold, and as LL and I walked arm and arm, we could hear slow and steady footsteps right. behind. us. Our expressions: O_O We sped up and once I felt we were a relatively safe distance away from the footsteps, I turned to look over my shoulder to see who it was. It was the caretaker, whose name was Bear, (BEAR. I'm not kidding) was meandering at a pleasant and steady pace behind LL and I.

Perhaps he did not in fact have any intention to catch up to us and kill us with his bear hands (pun fully intended) or whatever weapon he had stored on his tall and scary person, and then drag us into the surrounding woods never to be seen or heard from again, but LL and I weren't taking any chances. We grabbed each others hands and sprinted across the open field as fast as our 5'2 1/2 (me, sadly) and 5'5 (LL) bodies/legs could carry us. We made it back safely and locked and bolted the doors as quickly as we could. LL and I threw our pajamas on and dove under the covers and finally began to breathe easy. We were hidden, we were alive, and by golly we'd also just run off all of the s'more calories. I snuggled into my sleeping bag and just as I was closing my eyes, enjoying the calm silence, LL's voice came to me through the darkness.

LL: Um, LC?(Me) BEAR has the KEYS!
LL and LC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Miraculously, we survived the night and Bear the possible serial killer never walked steadily and creepily behind us again, so LL and LC both lived to tell the tale.

So back to my nightmare from last night. It pretty much followed everything I just spoke about, with the exception Bear actually BEING a serial killer and really trying to murder us. As in reality, both LL and I survived the night and attack, although most of the rest of our senior class did not. (Sad Day). Who knows what made me dream about it, probably my mind trying to correlate my terror with that of Sidney Prescott's.

And so ends the tale of Scream 4 and the adventures with LL, LC and Bear. (For now and hopefully forever)

The Happiest Place on Earth

This is very, very long overdue, but here goes anyway! My cousin works at Disney World, so for spring break my Family and I went down to visit her. I haven't been back since I was 11, so it's been a solid twelve years or so. Therefore, it's either because of this or the fact that I'm still a child at heart/mind/short, short body that my Mom and I had an AMAZING time doing all the things little girls and their mothers usually do when they go to Disney World.

I'd like to make a small justification at my sheer and utter elation at seeing all things Sleeping Beauty, as well getting to meet her in person (so to speak). The first time I went to Disney World I was two and a half. Sleeping Beauty was my favorite Princess. Always has been, always will be. But for some unknown and torturous reason, we couldn't find ANYTHING, not ANYTHING with her on it or about her. So I settled for the slightly (only slightly people, don't get excited) less amazing Cinderella to cope. Sleeping Beauty ROCKS. She wears pink, for crying out loud! Annnnyway, So no luck when I was a little girl in my search for her. We went again when I was twelve, as I mentioned above. It had been a solid decade since I'd visited Disney, but had Sleeping Beauty made an appearance yet? Nope. Nothing. Nadda. SIGH.

So Cue another ten or so years later, and what do we have? SLEEPING BEAUTY. Everywhere. On EVERYTHING. And you can meet her. Would my two and twelve year old self have cried out in joy? You bet your bottom dollar that they would! I'm twenty-three now, supposedly an adult, blah blah. My oh so very mature reaction? SLEEPING BEAUTY IS RIGHT OVER THERE AND I GET TO MEET HER, BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!



And suddenly the childhood that was lost has now been found.


But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once, upon a dream.

The Demons I Love

I love to read so, so much, but it's kind of a problem when I do. If I find a good book, I don't want to stop. Actually, I don't stop. Two days ago I found a new young adult book of about 400 pages. I finished it last night. Sigh. So yay for reading, but boo for my speed reading ways. But because of them, conversations like this occur:

ME: I finished my book last night.
MOM:That's great! That means you don't have to pack it, and your bag will be lighter!
ME:No, I'm taking it with me so I can read it again.

Seriously, this happens with everything. Books. TV shows. Songs. I find something new, I get so excited about it, I speed through it and then have to read/watch/listen to them again. It's not bad, and all through school I really appreciated my speed reading skillz, but it does lead to me carting around quit a few 300-400 page books.

All Forms of Comfort

One of my favorite memories of my Dad is of us coming back from a choir concert. I started feeling sick about halfway home, but didn't say anything. Just as we were literally pulling into our driveway, I leaned over the side of our van and dismissed everything from my stomach (and so began my lifelong aversion to pretzels, but that's another story). My Dad parks the car, turns toward me, and calmly asks: "You couldn't have waited ten more seconds?"

That was my Dad, always making me smile at the best and worst moments. My Mom took me inside and helped me clean up, and then my Dad came inside from cleaning up the car, and what does he say? He gives an entire list of what had once been in my stomach. Sigh. Facepalm.

It was a long night, and my Mom had work in the morning, so my Dad took care of me and eventually moved me into his bed when mine was no longer available for really disgusting reasons. I know I was miserable all night and probably didn't get any sleep, but I don't remember that. What I do remember is my Dad staying up, playing games with me, always making me forget the bad parts.

I've been under the weather all week long for a different reason, but miserable all the same. On one particularly bad night I couldn't sleep, or breathe really, so I got out of bed and began pacing the house. After my first walk-around I heard one of my cats jump down from her place on the couch and then felt her brush up against my leg. I turned toward my bedroom and my cat followed me. She probably thought we were going to lie down so she could sit on me, her favorite pass time.

But alas, when I made it to my bedroom door I turned back around and went for another walk. Confused, she followed me step for step. I almost felt bad for leading her on, but I have to laugh at the picture we must have made. I paced that first floor about five times, and she echoed my steps on every turn. Girl and Cat, keeping pace at 4 in the morning. Love, you save the empty.


Goodnight my Angel, time to close your eyes

Being woken up by a text from someone that will always confuse you and lead you around in circles and never let you go back to sleep is never fun. All you can do in response to something like this is pull the bowl for tea off the shelf, research literary agents, and blast some girl impowering Avril Lavigne.


Life has loveliness to sell...
Eyes that love you, arms that hold
-Barter, by Sara Teasdale

Ask and Ye shall receive

Suite Besty: How are you?
Me: I really need a big bar of chocolate right about now.
Suite Besty: (thinks about it for a second, and then turns toward her desk. When she turns back to me, she holds in her hand a giant milk chocolate Godiva bar) Here!

Because of the sheer amount of grading and book hauling I've done today I was unable to properly express my joy and devotion. But my face pretty much looked like this:

O_O and then ^_^ and inside I was feeling \o/

This is how friends help friends get through 10th week.

10th Week and Meltdowns with Fro Yo

The College I work for is on a quarter system, and we have ten weeks in a quarter. It doesn't have to be, but this is most typically known as the week to A) study for finals B) massively pack up everything and stuff it in your closet C) Panic D) All of the above, often all at the same time

Now that I've graduated and work here instead of go here, I find the list to be slightly different. Instead of taking finals, I GRADE and MAKE the finals. All those papers we hated writing and all those essays we hated studying for? Yup, you guessed it, it's now my job to grade and mark and read these oh so wonderful educational tools.

I don't mind, but it can be stressful. To combat the stress, I've tried, in the weekends before 10th week, to relax as much as possible. They're awesome plans, often involving lots of sleep and covers tucked in tight and bowls of tea at the ready. Last quarter's weekend before plan got derailed for reasons I shall not go into, but I made up for it by planning to go see Harry Potter 7.1 with Suite Besty and Cool Sis at midnight.

THIS was an AWESOME PLAN. We had real food for dinner, and then went for fro yo before the movie. I was so happy to not be grading papers for these few hours, it was glorious. What I didn't count on was the exhaustion, stress, and general unhappiness that had been the last week and truthfully the last several weeks to catch up to me in one explosive mental breakdown that had me crying over my fro yo and in front of Suite Besty and Cool Sis. SIGH. Let me recap:

HP7 was on thursday/Friday at midnight. So I'd made it through the entirety of 10th week with little sleep, much, much tea, massive packing, and not a little stress. I was also dealing with another terrible situation in my life that was taking up a lot of my mental reserves. (I know I sound whiny, bear with me and we'll get to the funny)

Enter HP7, the night and plan I had been waiting for. Like I said, we went to dinner and then fro yo. I'd never been to fro yo before, and let me tell you, for someone whose favorite color of all time is pink, I had just entered heaven and/or nirvana. The chairs were pink. The WALLS were pinks. It was AMAZING. Then there was the actual fro yo with real fruit and candy. Sensory overload, I thank you. We sit down, start to eat, and I realize that this is the happiest I've been in five weeks. Enter emotional breakdown in which I tear up over frozen yogurt. Poor Suite Besty and Cool Sis had no idea what to do with this, so they embraced me and pushed me to enjoy my fro yo and the pink that surrounded us. We finished and went to see HP7.



(Suite Besty and I at HP7. Notice the stack of papers and the red pen in my hand, and please disregard/ignore the deep bags under both/mostly my eyes)

It was one of the best nights ever, despite the breakdown over fro yo, and I survived 10th week mostly in tact.

This quarter's weekend before 10th week went swimingly on Friday and Saturday, and kind of crashed and burned on Sunday afternoon/night. That thing that was bothering and ultimately led to the now infamous fro yo breakdown of 2010 came back in one fell swoop. But, like before, Suite Besty was there to pick up the pieces, and we ended the night not with HP7 and fro yo, but with kettle corn for her, tuna with green curry for me, and some good old fashioned Boy Meets World reruns. A meltdown has not occurred, nor will it in the days to come this winter quarter 10th week.

'This time baby, I'll be bulletproof'

Anorexic Fish

Suite Besty and Cool Sis are out of town this weekend, so I agreed to feed Cool Sis's Fish. I have no problem with this whatsoever, but it has certainly been an adventure every time I've done it in the past two days. Fish needs to be fed twice a day; easy to do, I just walk over after lunch and dinner. The adventure always comes with the walk to and from.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON: Suite Besty gave me her key to Cool Sis's. I walk over, place key in lock, turn, hear lock unlock, door will not open. I try again. And again. And Again. Text Suite Besty and Cool Sis and hope they won't kill me for the now possible accidental murder of Fish. Leave in defeat with prayers for Fish and a peaceful resolution. (too much West Wing, anyone?)

FRIDAY NIGHT: Both Cool Sis and Suite Besty assure me it's okay that Fish skip a meal and give me further instructions on how to manhandle the door into letting me in. Dinner closes at 7 on Fridays, and I was working until about 6. Then it started raining. And thundering, with much lightning. 'Is food really worth it?' I ask myself. I think of poor Fish and reluctantly pull on the pink rain boots. (and if you know me at all, you know that the fact that they were pink made it easier and a much happier experience) It's now 6:40. Twenty minutes to walk to Cool Sis's, feed Fish, and walk back and get dinner. Sounds easy when the walk isn't five minutes each way. and if you're not in a thunderstorm. But Fish needed me, so off I went. On my way there, pink umbrella firmly above my head. I get a text from Hawaiian Beauty. Hawaiian Beauty is one of my best friends, and as you can probably guess, lives in Hawaii. She's ALWAYS working, so as a result of this, and also the fact that I love speaking with her, I opened the text. Conversation goes something like this:

HB: How are you? What's happening?
ME: Oh, not too much. Walking through a mild thunderstorm to go feed a fish and make it back in time for dinner. You?
HB: What? That's highly unusual.
ME: I find it to be unusual as well. Oh yay the wind's picking up.
HB: Weird things are happening to you right now..did you fall down the rabbit hole?

At this point I had made it to Cool Sis's unharmed and, with my new instructions on how to actually get INSIDE, I made it past the door. As per instructions, I was to feed Fish one pellet at a time. I glanced at my watch, so that I had about thirteen minutes before dinner would close, so I could just feed Fish and be on my way. Easy. WRONG. I shake one pellet out and drop it in the bowl. Fish swims around it, to it, under it, behind it, and then FINALLY comes toward it and eats it. And promptly spits it back out again. SIGH. and FACE PALM. This is where I returned to the conversations with Hawaiian Beauty:

ME: Fish doesn't want to eat! He spits his food back out! Anorexic Fish that I walked a mile in the rain for!
HB: Crazy.

I placed a few more pellets in Fish's bowl, and hurried on my way to dinner. I made it with five minutes to spare, having dodged lightning, five cars trying to KILL me, and much rain. Was I successful? Nope. But did I have an adventure? Yup.

Fear not though, I went over to Cool Sis's again today and Fish actually ate. The anorexia/bulimia of Fish seems to be mild and an on-again, off-again deal.

And so ends the companionship of LC and Fish. For now.

P.S. That's also probably why it took me two weeks to write the last chapter/epilogue of my book.

FInale feelings

When I was little, maybe two or three, my favorite movie was the Land Before Time. I don't remember this at all, but my family tells a story about how every time the movie ended and the credits rolled, I'd start to cry. Apparently I was inconsolable. The fam finally figured out that if they turned the movie off before the credits appeared, I would be fine. No fuss, no muss. Who knows what three-year-old me was thinking, or how I justified in my tiny little mind that if the credits didn't roll, Littlefoot and Ducky would still be living out their adventures, free of an ending.

As I said before, I don't remember this at all. I've watched hundreds of movies since then, and my mother doesn't make a mad dash for the tissues every time I come to the end, but this particular quirk of mine has come out every now and then. I'm a television addict. I've said it before, I'll probably say it again. Movie endings don't faze me, but give me a T.V. series finale and you'll find me crying or curled up like the small child I used to be.

Let me justify myself and make it seem like I'm not such an infant by saying this only happens the FIRST time I watch a finale. Every other rewatch the crying only happens internally. Example?

I'm on a West Wing kick right now, and I've been watching it from start to finish.

I started two weeks ago, I've got a job and I'm writing a book. How far into it do you think I am? There are seven seasons, I'm on number five right now. Whoops? Good on me? Who knows at this point, but I digress.

Last night I got the urge to watch the last season, because there are a lot of things that I love about it. But with each new episode, and with each new disk, I found myself dreading the ending. Dread may not be the right word. Sadness was welling up inside me. My favorite characters and a world that I loved was quickly coming to the end of their era. I pulled the covers in more tightly and hugged my stuffed penguin to my side, hoping the end wouldn't come. It did, it always does, but as my feelings became more and more tumultuous, I decided to try a little trick. Before the last scene I ejected the disk. I've seen the ending, I know it still happens, but in this instance, out of sight out of mind really worked. My characters were still in office, the President wasn't ending his eight year term! If I didn't see it, the end didn't have to come!

As I sat there thinking about this awesome magic trick I'd played on myself, I realized that I've done this before. Many times, actually, without realizing it.

Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles (Don't judge me, you'd like it if you watched it):Took the last two disks of season two off my netflix list because I couldn't bear to see the bad ending.
The Tudors: stopped watching as soon as trouble with Henry and Anne was leading straight to the scaffold.
Alias, Battlestar Galactica, The Lord of the Rings (movie, I know), season five of NCIS, etc. etc.

Turn it off, the end doesn't have to come. No crying, inside or out. So what does this say about me? I don't know, but one thing's for sure, the three-year-old in me is grateful she doesn't have to watch the credits roll.

bowling for tea

For my birthday my Mom got me a tea mug that is literally bowl sized. I freely admit that I'm addicted to English Breakfast tea. I don't drink coffee, and you can get me to drink another kind of tea only, and I mean only, if EB isn't an option. My sister calls me the tea snob, which I suppose I am. But hey, if I can't live in England, than this is my next best option at the moment.

But to come back from the rambling, and back to the bowl of tea. This mug is huge, it holds two normal cups of tea, and I have no problem drinking it all. I don't drink it for the caffein, mostly because I don't need it but also because there's so little in tea that it wouldn't matter anyway. I just like the tea. Tuesdays are my most stressful work days. I have a full day of work and I end with helping with three hours of class that ends at 10p.m.

Suite Besty was on a one day trip to chi-town, so when girl talk was out, all hope fell to the little pink bag that housed my tea.
I was so busy I didn't really think about it, and didn't sit down to count how many times I pulled the bowl down from the shelf until late last night. But here's the total I came to:

Woke up in the morning: put on contacts and clothes and before I check my work email? TEA.
Worked all morning, got lunch to go, after lunch before diving back into work? TEA
Work, dinner, and then three hour class followed by? TEA

At 11:30 or so I'm sitting on my bed, finishing the last bowl of tea, and suddenly, I count. Two cups of tea=one bowl. I have had three bowls today. So that means I've had.....six cups of tea today? O_o

Not sure this is what my Mom had in mind when she gave it to me. But hey, knowing me, maybe she did.



'Before I leave brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack' My Jack beats yours, Ke$sha

Distractions

Distractions are so easy to come by. Here's a look at what happened last night:

Me: 'I should really edit chapter 14 now.'
Looks around, sees season 4 of the West Wing sitting.right.there.

Me: 'Ok, I'll watch ONE, ok-TWO episodes, and then I shall edit!'
Pull disk out.

Me: 'ooooh, these are the Zoey-gets-kidnapped episodes! Dramatic! Amazing writing! Tears at the end and chills down my spine! Uh oh, the last two episodes of season 4 end on a kidnapping cliffhanger.'
Looks around, sees season 5 sitting innocently in its file folder. O_O
Me: 'Must see the resolution!!!'
Slowly pulls out season 5, disk 1....


Sigh. Sorry chapter 14, but I promise I'll get to you tonight....ooh, look! Season three of Leverage!